DREW!!!! I go to my best friends house Drew for dinner…Drew is my best friend and more. He is my family. From the day I met him he reminded me of my dad. My dad was my everything. My life. When he passed away 4 years ago from cancer I thought I was going to die with him. My dad was my best friend. Drew sort of took his place in some weird way in my life. He makes me feel like I have family. It feels good to know I have someone who really loves and cares about me, and knows me inside and out. He pisses me off, and I piss him off, but at the end of the day, if I needed someone, I know Drew would be there. HAHAHA…at dinner Drew gives me crap about jogging. Every morning we text each other and if I was not responding to his text he would say, “I’m sure you are jogging”, just to make sure I was ignoring him for a good reason. We laugh now, because I am becoming the female version of Drew. He works for a clothing line and has been sober for years. So he is able to get where I am coming from with life and work, and all the other fun stuff. At this time I am working full time and just over it! Tired of being sick and tired. I want to make my jewelry line, Hija Por Vida, and put all my hard work and time into something I love. I am taking care of Kelsey all on my own, and it’s hard. I don’t have a lot of support from her in many areas of my life right now. We want such different things in and out of life. My sobriety, at this point, is not an option and Kelsey can choose to support me or not. This is what it is. I had a good dinner and talk with Drew, and now I need to get back to Kelsey. Drew never wants to leave, but I must go. Before I was dating Kelsey, Drew and I would be together 24/7. I think he misses me and our friendship. In an effort to make some changes, I need to get a new job. I land an interview with Don, who owns a showroom here in LA and he’s looking for a sales rep. He is just starting the showroom, so this will give me the chance to really watch and learn. He is young and running his own business, and that is what I want. I think this would be a great place for me right now. Don and I really hit it off and he wants to hire me, but he needs me asap for a convention in Vegas the next weekend. I have to quit my job asap!!! I have never just left a job in such short notice but, I need to make this move in my life and I need to do it now.
Kelsey and I decide to go to the club and see all of our friends. Whit, Rachael, and Franny are all going to be there. Just because I am not drinking does not mean I want to stop going out and having fun with my friends. I have fun when I’m out, and being around alcohol is not a problem for me. I just asked Kelsey for one night to go sober with me so we could enjoy each other and not fight. I knew once she got drunk, I would be so annoyed. Kelsey is such a bad drunk. She tells me she will go out and not drink with me this one night, and sure enough we get to the club and she starts drinking. I didn’t stop her, because I’m not her mom. She can do what she wants. I was hurt that she could not keep her word to me, but clearly she can’t be in a club and not drink. We get home and start fighting as always. I’m pissed that I have to deal with her drunk ass when I’m trying so hard to stay sober, and she just can’t get it. She is upset that I am asking her to live her life in a way that does not feel right to her. My attitude toward Kelsey is getting to the point where I am just angry all the time. If you want to live your own life, go do it. Go get a job and go take care of yourself, ‘cause right now I’m the one working and putting a roof over our head. I only wish she cared more about being a supportive partner in this relationship, then the partying and sex. I need to remind myself she is 23, and I too only cared about sex at that age. Now I’m starting to see that we are just at very different places in our lives. We want different things, and this isn’t working for us at all. We are trying so hard to hang on but I don’t know if it’s good for us.
The next day Kelsey comes to me and says she wants to stop drinking. I am on the verge of a breakdown; I can’t breathe with her right now. We are not happy. I fee that Kelsey is only telling me she wants to stop because she doesn’t want to loose me, not because she realizes she has a problem. I just want so badly for her to understand where I am coming from. I need her to understand how hard it is to take care of two people, while having next to no money, and trying to stop drinking while filming a damn reality show. She just isn’t in a stage in her life to get it. I am happy she wants to stop drinking and support her.
I decide to go to Whitney’s new night and support her. I feel fine at clubs without drinking. Kelsey said she was not strong enough. So she is going to stay in and go to a meeting with Drew. I think that is great and her choice. I get to the club and am happy to see all my friends. I introduce my good friend Khristain to Franny. I just knew they would hit it off.
I’m excited for Whit’s big night, and I’m glad I could be there to support her. Kelsey starts texting me how crappy it is that I am out while she is home getting sober for me. Now I’m pissed. She needs to get sober for herself - because she wants too. NOT FOR ME! I am out, not drinking, supporting Whit and just because you made a choice to stop drinking and stay in, does not mean I have to get crap for it. It ruined my night. Then Drew is with her in bed and it’s like 1 am and he is texting, calling me a jerk. Telling me ok since your not here Kelsey is going to stay at my house. I’m pissed now. I go out for one night, she can’t manage to be alone, and you both are texting me crazy things. Over it! Drew and I fight like this a lot, and now he is using Kels to piss me off. Poor Whit was there to hear me bitch and give me a big hug and tell me she loves me. I head back home in the worse mood ever. Drew wants to see me, and I want him to leave. It’s late, and I’m just unhappy at this point. I feel so alone in this relationship and I am just sad.