The Real L Word

CORI ON S2: EPISODE 9

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 22:45:05 -0400

Wow! Last episode! I first just want to say this has been such an amazing experience and we have been so lucky to have shared our story. I have learned so much about myself and making babies, and this experience has only strengthened the relationship Kacy and I already have.

So much happened in this episode! I think my favorite was the ceremony Kacy put together. When you try and try to have a baby and are faced with disappointment after disappointment, you sometimes lose focus on things. My life began to revolve around trying to get pregnant and recovering from the failed attempts. You get so wrapped up in the process that you forget what it is all for. This ceremony reminded me that no matter what happens I will always have Kacy, we are already a family and children would just be an incredible bonus. It brought me back down to earth and also reminded me what an amazing circle of friends we have supporting us. We are so blessed.

Regarding Pants Vs Pumps, two things: 1. Pants cheated. 2. Scarlett and Ellie chocolate wrestling was so hot, you would have run off into the bushes too :)

Cori

WHITNEY ON S2: EPISODE 9

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 22:45:05 -0400

Again we have come to the end of a very interesting ride. Through the tears, fights, laughs, sex, and love, we have told our stories. Although they are constantly changing and our lives are constantly evolving, sometimes taking unexpected turns, one thing remains constant and that is the openness that exists among these women with whom I am so lucky to share this experience with. It can be hard, being filmed ALL the time with little to no privacy, and your emotions and mental state definitely get put to the test, but through it all I feel I have grown tremendously as a person, sometimes having to face sides of myself that I would rather forget and embracing aspects that I am proud of. I am really happy with this episode for showing the wide range of stories and emotions that can exist in people’s lives not only as lesbians, or as women, but as people. (It also doesn’t suck that PANTS WERE VICTORIOUS at the throwdown…haha…eat that Pumps.) That was such a fantastic day and we raised money for such an important cause. It really proved to me that we can all come together and put our differences aside for something bigger than ourselves and I plan on continuing with this tradition. I know some of you might have been shocked by the final scene of the show with Sara and I getting back together and I’m sure there are many different opinions on this. As a viewer it is only natural to develop an opinion on certain characters or decisions that they have made, and it can be very humbling to hear all the varying opinions when your real life is in fact the “character”. Sara and I have been through the gamut with our relationship. There never has been a question of whether or not we loved each other, but rather, could we make it work through all of our past bad habits and defense mechanisms. Yes, she has made mistakes, but as most of you know it’s no shocker that I’m no angel either. So at this point it’s boiled down to, if all the past and everyone else’s opinions were put aside and our emotions where hurled on to the table could we make it work because it is undeniable that we have a passion for one another that won’t end…well, did it work? What do you think? Guess you’ll have to hope there’s a Season 3 ;).

ROMI ON S2: EPISODE 9

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 22:45:05 -0400

Let the new chapter begin. Whit is my friend, and will always be my friend. I am sure I am not the only person who has been vulnerable after a break up. My whole life is in my hands now with no one to look after me but myself. I am excited for my life and what’s to come. I am sober and focused on my line . All I want more than anything is for my and Vanessa’s dream to come true. We have put so much love and time into the line. If Udi from Love and Pride loves our collection, we can move forward. Get the opportunity to see my work on his site. My line is a direct result of my sobriety. I would never have been able to do it if I were still drinking. I am working on something I love and excited to learn, grow and start a company.

Vanessa and I met with Udi and he was a fan! YAY! Let it begin. We are going forward and joining the love and pride family. I am single and sober and doing something I am passionate about. I am sad that Kelsey and I had to come to an end and sad about the way we spent the last few months. I know in my heart that was the best decision I made and again, could not have done if I was drinking. I love her but I love me more. The right person is out there for me. When I love me, someone else can love me.

Whitney throws a Pants vs Pumps party. That girl comes up with some creative ways for us fools to get together. I am glad this time we are having fun and raising money for a great cause. I had a blast. I wish Kelsey the best of luck in life and hope that she can get a hold of her life and maybe with out me, she will be able too. I know she can’t see it now but she will thank me one day for leaving.

I am ready for life. A life I love. A life I remember and one with endless possibilities. I look forward to making my mom and dad proud of me.

KACY ON S2: EPISODE 9

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 22:45:05 -0400

So friends, we have come to the infamous last episode. I write this with sorrow in my heart that our time has come to an end. This journey has been long, but ultimately rewarding, and that is thanks to all of you. We took deep breaths, shared our stories, bared our souls – and with a loud, resounding cheer, you have applauded our normalcy, our intense and passionate love, and our determination to continue in the face of set backs and bad days. I am humbled by the overwhelming support that has been pouring in through Facebook and Twitter, and by those we have met who have shared your stories and heartaches right with us.

Cori and I started this journey as a love letter to our future child. What we have now, is a love letter to all of us out there trying to beat the odds, to make families of our own, and to be out, in love, and so proud. You have made this experience worth it, and it is with a huge amount of love and respect that I dedicate this last blog to all of you.

As the cameras stopped rolling and chunks of our lives hit the cutting room floor, we wondered what the impact would be. Would we be lost in the shuffle? Would anyone care? When I was little, I watched a film about AIDS and HIV. It was the first time I had ever seen a gay character on film. It changed my life. Then, I saw another film, and with dropped-jaw, discovered Lesbians on film. These are my predecessors to identity. They were my compass. To think that we were able to be that for someone else is incredible, much less representing all of you out there.

And so the final lines come to a close, and I wish you all good luck, treat each other well, and love hard – with all of your might.

Sincerely,

Kacy

PS, go Team Unicorn!

FRANCINE ON S2: EPISODE 8

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 14:32:45 -0400

Roh, roh. It was coming down to crunch time, as coming out to my parents is something I’ve managed to avoid for God knows how long… It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face since I’m the kind of person who goes to great lengths to avoid confrontation, especially when I know it might hurt the ones I love the most. At the end of the day, the issue at hand is really about love and my own happiness if you think about it. It was difficult for me because I have lived my entire life thus far trying to please my parents and obsessed with worry about their approval. I’ve always lived with this feeling that nothing I’ve accomplished was ever good enough, and that I could always be better… Ah, is that super Asian of me or what!? On top of all those crazy thoughts, I never really had any sort of gay support group or openly gay friends for that matter. I was filled with anxiety but finally came to the realization that my parents would love me no matter what and because of that would want to see me happy - not to mention the definition of gay is just that —Synonyms 1. gleeful, jovial, glad, joyous, happy, cheerful, sprightly, blithe, airy, light-hearted; vivacious, frolicsome, sportive, hilarious. Gay, jolly, joyful, merry describe a happy or light-hearted mood. Gay suggests a lightness of heart or liveliness of mood that is openly manifested…

I guess it was time to openly manifest my gayness… or something like that.

ROMI ON S2: EPISODE 8

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 22:46:05 -0400

Kelsey and I go to Franny’s house for dinner with all the girls. It was so nice to not stress for a night and eat some of Chef K’s yummy food.

Kelsey was super quiet and not very social as always. Before dinner she was complaining that Whit and I always laugh together and that her and I don’t. She is right and I wish Kels and I laughed more but we have very different sense of humors. Whit and I get each other.

Later that week I planned a sweet dinner for us and right before we were getting ready I had a weird feeling Kelsey drank the night before. She was in Long Beach with her family and her phone died all night. I looked at her and said, “Did you drink?” She said looking me in the eyes, “YES!” I was so hurt and mad. I felt like her word meant nothing and that this whole thing was a joke. I realized then that Kelsey was really doing all this for me and not for herself. If she wants to go drink she can, just not with me. I had to be the one to ask her, she couldn’t even tell me her self. That hurt.

Leaving Kelsey was one of the hardest things. I hated it. I worry about her more than she will ever know. I always will but this was needed. We had to break up for both of us. I know she couldn’t understand it all then but I know one day she will. We will always love each other. I wish her the best and pray that she gets a hold of her life and makes the most of it. She is an amazing girl who has a lot of growing up to do.

Whit invited me over to keep my mind off of things. I love her and Alyssa is one of my closest friends, so I said yes. They made an inseminator for Cori and Kacy. I had to be there to see them present this miracle. The night went great and the girls loved their new gift. I hope they had some fun with it later that night. Whit and I have always had chemistry and love each other very much. There was some flirting going on and it just felt right. I left to go home but we were texting each other a lot. So I decided to come back. HAHAHAA, for the one, the only, “the Whitney”. She will always hold a special place in my heart. I am so lucky to have her in my life and yes it felt good to finally just be me. With her I can just be that.

KACY ON S2: EPISODE 8

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 22:46:05 -0400

Well, this episode proves that Cori and I do argue. What makes our arguments different is that we know that in the end, we will eventually have to come together, resolve the issue, and move forward together. This has been the hardest process, harder than her or I ever imagined when we embarked on the journey. There have been so many times when we just feel at the mercy of other things. Cori is a master of her own destiny, and being and feeling so out of control can make anyone feel insecure. Sometimes you lose sight of things when all of your focus is on this one thing. We had a ripple in our pond, the boat rocked, but together, we steadied, cast out the oars and continued to row.

CLAIRE ON S2: EPISODE 8

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 22:46:05 -0400

I am so very proud of Francine for finally realizing and coming to terms with telling her parents she’s gay. In all my years of knowing her, this is something I know she struggled with daily. Yoko, is a special woman and she only wants the best for her daughter, but it’s hard when the culture doesn’t except your child’s lifestyle. Knowing Francine the way I do, I can only imagine how difficult it was for her; its never easy to come out but it’s even worse to live a lie.

KACY ON S2: EPISODE 7

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 22:49:05 -0400

I am not a religious person, despite what you saw on tonight’s episode. I do not claim to be Catholic, I do not attend church regularly, and I do not adhere to a strict doctrine of Christianity. I am, however, blessed with a faith in the universe, and hold as a fundamental value, that love is the single greatest driver of the human spirit. If you live your love with utter love, then you will lead a truly good life and inspire love around you. In the universe, I believe that the aura, or the light around you, that beams from you, is equal to the amount of love you put out into the universe. That being said, I was raised Catholic, and some of the more personal traditions I hold dear. So, lighting a candle with the love and hope to impregnate my wife matches up quite well to how I live my life. It might seem odd that a lesbian would walk into a church to pray for a child – which in contemporary ideas of religion seems counter-intuitive given the social backlash of gays and lesbians in most Christian based organized religions. Nevertheless, I felt in my heart that it was the right thing to do; to light the way – literally – for my child’s soul to see me, like a beacon in darkness, to point the way home. I am not opposed to trying anything at this point.

CLAIRE ON S2: EPISODE 7

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 22:49:05 -0400

And round two….

Vivian’s arrival made me feel like everything was going to be ok again. She came to LA to do work on my web site, but I also wanted to show her a good time. However, some how I knew that it wasn’t going to go as smoothly as I had planned…

Preparing for the night when I knew we were going to see Francine was like being on a never ending rollercoaster ride. Having my recent ex and long ago ex in the same room is not an ideal situation for anyone, let alone an ex with a temper. I knew I had to deal with the drama but I wanted nothing more then for it all just to be over. Francine had exhausted me and hurt me to the very core but as I see now I had done the same to her. I never said the things Francine said I did. I wrote Francine those text messages out of anger. She had become bffs with everyone and had literally thrown me out on the curb. I never expected her to read my text messages aloud and take them out of context to turn everyone against me. All in all, I forgive her as we all do things we don’t mean out of anger, and I am far from perfect.

Looking back I wish I would have just left the party. Nothing good was coming of that conversation and I should have removed myself but when egos start going, its hard to walk away.

I have nothing but respect for all the Real L Word girls and it was unfortunate I made such a bad first impression as that is not really my style. I commend Whitney for confronting me and giving the opportunity to squash things once and for all!

Goodbye lesbian drama.

ROMI ON S2: EPISODE 7

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 22:49:05 -0400

Kelsey and I have dinner with Khristian and Franny. Franny tells me that Claire is talking crap about all of us. I’m just so annoyed that someone is assuming I just sit and play with lipstick all day. I am working my ass off and it really was insulting. Not to mention, Franny said she was putting down my friends. Just not ok to move here and talk crap about people you don’t know. Me and my friends are a pretty close group of girls, and this is not the way to try and get in.

Kelsey and I go lay in the park for a bit and she decides to tell me she wants to drink again and she is not going to be sober forever. Kelsey really did not quit drinking because she knew she had a problem, she quit so she wouldn’t loose me. It is becoming very apparent. Kelsey and I will never make it with the way she drinks and my sober life style. I can be around drinking but I can’t share my life right now with a drunk. She is sober like one week and now she is over it. I have way to much going on though to give this anymore attention. If she wants to drink so be it. Get a job and get your own place and pay for your own drinks because I am done supporting that.

I have not seen Whitney in a bit so we decide to get dinner together and catch up. I am one month sober today and am so happy to see her. Whitney has been there for me so much through all my lows and knows what a big change I am making in my life right now. At dinner she tells me how proud of me she is and it felt so good to hear that from one of my friends. I love Whit and want her to be happy and stay focused on herself as well. It felt great to have an adult conversation and just be me with a good friend.

I meet with my Business partner Vanessa to work on our jewelry line. We have a guy named Udi interested in working with us. This is like a dream come true at this point. This line means so much to Vanessa and I. So I talk to Udi and he wants to see what we got. He gives me a list of things he needs to see in order to move forward with us. Vanessa and I are so happy that anyone even wants to help us.

Franny comes up with this idea to have a dinner party and trick us all into landscaping her yard. She is a smart girl and that is why I love her. Whatever, it was nice to see all my friends. Saj is having some girl issues and I give her a little advice. This is all new for her and my heart goes out to her and her girl.

FRANCINE ON S2: EPISODE 7

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 22:49:05 -0400

And welcome to the disaster piece theater… Little did I think about the domino effect my conversation with Romi would spiral into. Ok, I admit that it was a little childish of me to tell Romi what Claire had said in private about the other girls but, I was fueled by anger and at the time, upset about how her words and actions were not coinciding at all. I guess we can all say the recipe for disaster that evening was already boiling in the lesbo pot. The whole blowout scene at Haute reminded me of the crazy times Claire and I had in NYC. We would fight a lot in public and watching it on TV is quite frankly, super duper embarrassing. I didn’t realize how crazy she actually makes me feel and how I let that one get to me emotionally. I think we just know how to push each other’s buttons and boy did that lead to the blowout of the century… or something like that. TRES DRAMATIQUE!

Meanwhile, landscaping the yard was something I had put off for awhile and I thought it would be a fun activity we could participate in together as friends. I always think about work and like to stay productive while having a good time so what better way to get something done while partying?!

“I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult. - E.B. White”

What can I say…with great planning, a lot can be accomplished!

CORI ON S2: EPISODE 7

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 22:49:05 -0400

So my friend Jesi was in town and thank God! The two week wait between insemination and finding out if you are pregnant is crazy! I was hyper-sensitive to everything going on in my body. The question of was I or wasn’t I consumed me. Her coming into town was a perfect distraction from the crazy person I had become. We decided to watch my friend do her Roller Derby thing. We had such a blast and it was so nice to take a night off from all of the wondering and worrying.

Everyone told me it could take a while to get pregnant, but I secretly hoped that I was special. I really tried not to get my hopes up but I couldn’t help it. I figured all of the elements were there, why wouldn’t it work? Realizing that it didn’t take was hard. Not only was I not pregnant, but it also made me realize that this may not be as easy as I had hoped. Coming to terms with the fact that this could take months or even years was heartbreaking. We are so ready to begin our family, so all we can do is continue trying. Maybe it will take months or years, but in the end I know it will have all been worth the wait.

ROMI ON S2: EPISODE 6

Sun, 10 Jul 2011 23:07:05 -0400

My dad passed away a few years ago from cancer, and today is the anniversary of that day. Loosing my dad was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me, and not a day goes by I don’t think of him. He was my best friend and my hero. He would have been so happy to see that I have made the decision to go sober. He would worry about me a lot when I would drink. I wish more than anything he was here to see the woman I am becoming. My mom and I decide to spend this day together and focus on my dad. A few years ago for Christmas, my mom made me a photo album of my dad. At the time, I was not ready to look at it. Today, I am - and it felt good to take time out of my crazy life and just remember my amazing father.

In the same weekend that I am dealing with the lost of my father, I am going to Vegas to work with my new boss, Don. I really want this weekend to go well. I just quit my job and need this one to work out. I asked Rachael to come along and help work one of Don’s booths with us. I love Rachael and consider her a good friend who acts responsible and professional. Before Rachael and I take off, we catch up a little on my step and I tell her that I’m tired of Kelsey. I continue to explain to her my issues with Kelsey and that we had almost broken up. I just want to concentrate on work this weekend.

When we get to Vegas, I am a bit nervous to see Drew, cause we have not talked since our fight the other night. He is working the same convention as I am this weekend, and I know we are going to run into each other. It is so weird to not be on speaking terms with him. I need his friendship more than ever this weekend. It is my first day on my new job, I’m dealing with the anniversary of my dad’s death, and I have no support from Kelsey. It is just a lot to digest, and I’m trying to keep it together. When I get to my booth, I see Drew and he walks right by me and ignores me. It hurt so badly. He has never acted like this with me. It was so awkward, and I just wanted to scream and cry. When the day comes to an end, I decide to text Drew and say, “please come meet me…this is retarded, I need you”. He gives in and puts his huge ego aside. Thank GOD!!… and then we are back to us. I give him a big hug after crying like a bitch. It felt good.

Later that night, I go to a party with everyone who was working this weekend. It’s hard, because I am not drinking, and it’s a bunch of people I don’t know, but its work and I go. During the night I get a call form Kelsey. She got fired! I feel so bad for her. She is crying and I am not there to make her feel better. I hate that she is beating herself up so bad. I tell her we will figure it out and that I can’t take care of her, but I love her. I decide to drive back home with Drew after the weekend; give us some time to talk. I realize on the drive home what I have not been wanting to accept - Kelsey has to learn on her own, and that I can’t control it anymore, or try and take care of her and protect her anymore. I’m done. In the end it is for the best she learns these things on her own. When I get home to Kelsey she looks so sad and beat up. I want her to know I am not leaving and I will support her with my love, but this time its for her to deal with.

I can’t help her get a job, she needs to do it on her own. I got her the last two jobs. It’s her turn to work her stuff out.

KACY ON S2: EPISODE 6

Sun, 10 Jul 2011 23:07:05 -0400

This episode really encapsulated why Cori and chose to participate in this show. One day, our child will be able to look back and see his or her parents go through the process of bring him or her into the world. That moment, when Cori and I were holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes – all of our hopes and dreams burgeoning – that moment is so utterly precious, and it has been captured forever. My wife, as always said it perfectly, “You and me, we’re here.” That was one of the best moments of my life – when our lives were changing from an “us”, to potentially, a family. It was an absolute high.

Then, for the absolute low – when we received the phone call that the second sample was gone. I have said this before and I will say it again – I hate seeing my wife cry. That was the longest drive home ever. Being able to keep my composure while fighting the worst traffic, while my wife’s heart is breaking in the seat next to me, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It was a mixture of very intense emotions: confusion, frustration, sadness, anger, and anguish. We got home, went straight into the bedroom and fell apart.

Being a Lesbian and trying to make a child is an incredible rollercoaster – high highs and very low lows. Such is life.

CLAIRE ON S2: EPISODE 6

Sun, 10 Jul 2011 23:07:00 -0400

The blow out continues.

When I arrived at Francine’s place and saw all of my belongings tossed out, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of frustration. I had told her very clearly the night before that I would come by and pick up everything first thing in the morning. Francine has always had an uncanny way of making things worse then they need to be. I understand she didn’t want to see me but after 8 years of knowing each other, I never imagined she would do something like this. But then again, a lot had changed since we were together. Enough was enough and that was the end of the era of Frank and Clark!

Moving on, having just left my job to venture out on my own with my web site, I knew I needed Vivian’s expertise in order for my website to be a success. She is so very talented and at that point, all I wanted was to be around people I trusted and loved. It had been months since I’d seen her lovely face and I was ready for some normalcy and no one calms me the way Vivian can.

Stay tuned for what’s to come.

FRANCINE ON S2: EPISODE 5

Sun, 03 Jul 2011 22:45:06 -0400

A man by the name of Albert Einstein once said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. A dear friend of mine reminded me of that when she noticed I was close to my breaking point - upset and crying almost every day since Claire had arrived… Yes, the situation may have been annoying, but the only thing I was capable of fixing were my own expectations. How was I ever going to move on while I was stuck holding onto the past?

I felt as though I was going through my own personal period of change, yet I was stuck repeating this same cycle with my ex (and it definitely wasn’t going anywhere, fast!) At this point, I was starting to see that I was not in a desirable or healthy place, and it was time to break this cycle. At the end of the day, I realized I couldn’t stick around any longer, nor could I be around someone who I felt horrible with. It was time I stopped allowing myself to feel this way and do some ‘spring cleaning’ (at 2am in the morning!). It took a little push and a lot of liquid courage to be able to rid myself of that bad juju, but when I finally did, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was a hard lesson learned – a lesson that took me years to finally understand.

ROMI ON S2: EPISODE 5

Sun, 03 Jul 2011 22:45:06 -0400

DREW!!!! I go to my best friends house Drew for dinner…Drew is my best friend and more. He is my family. From the day I met him he reminded me of my dad. My dad was my everything. My life. When he passed away 4 years ago from cancer I thought I was going to die with him. My dad was my best friend. Drew sort of took his place in some weird way in my life. He makes me feel like I have family. It feels good to know I have someone who really loves and cares about me, and knows me inside and out. He pisses me off, and I piss him off, but at the end of the day, if I needed someone, I know Drew would be there. HAHAHA…at dinner Drew gives me crap about jogging. Every morning we text each other and if I was not responding to his text he would say, “I’m sure you are jogging”, just to make sure I was ignoring him for a good reason. We laugh now, because I am becoming the female version of Drew. He works for a clothing line and has been sober for years. So he is able to get where I am coming from with life and work, and all the other fun stuff. At this time I am working full time and just over it! Tired of being sick and tired. I want to make my jewelry line, Hija Por Vida, and put all my hard work and time into something I love. I am taking care of Kelsey all on my own, and it’s hard. I don’t have a lot of support from her in many areas of my life right now. We want such different things in and out of life. My sobriety, at this point, is not an option and Kelsey can choose to support me or not. This is what it is. I had a good dinner and talk with Drew, and now I need to get back to Kelsey. Drew never wants to leave, but I must go. Before I was dating Kelsey, Drew and I would be together 24/7. I think he misses me and our friendship. In an effort to make some changes, I need to get a new job. I land an interview with Don, who owns a showroom here in LA and he’s looking for a sales rep. He is just starting the showroom, so this will give me the chance to really watch and learn. He is young and running his own business, and that is what I want. I think this would be a great place for me right now. Don and I really hit it off and he wants to hire me, but he needs me asap for a convention in Vegas the next weekend. I have to quit my job asap!!! I have never just left a job in such short notice but, I need to make this move in my life and I need to do it now.

Kelsey and I decide to go to the club and see all of our friends. Whit, Rachael, and Franny are all going to be there. Just because I am not drinking does not mean I want to stop going out and having fun with my friends. I have fun when I’m out, and being around alcohol is not a problem for me. I just asked Kelsey for one night to go sober with me so we could enjoy each other and not fight. I knew once she got drunk, I would be so annoyed. Kelsey is such a bad drunk. She tells me she will go out and not drink with me this one night, and sure enough we get to the club and she starts drinking. I didn’t stop her, because I’m not her mom. She can do what she wants. I was hurt that she could not keep her word to me, but clearly she can’t be in a club and not drink. We get home and start fighting as always. I’m pissed that I have to deal with her drunk ass when I’m trying so hard to stay sober, and she just can’t get it. She is upset that I am asking her to live her life in a way that does not feel right to her. My attitude toward Kelsey is getting to the point where I am just angry all the time. If you want to live your own life, go do it. Go get a job and go take care of yourself, ‘cause right now I’m the one working and putting a roof over our head. I only wish she cared more about being a supportive partner in this relationship, then the partying and sex. I need to remind myself she is 23, and I too only cared about sex at that age. Now I’m starting to see that we are just at very different places in our lives. We want different things, and this isn’t working for us at all. We are trying so hard to hang on but I don’t know if it’s good for us.

The next day Kelsey comes to me and says she wants to stop drinking. I am on the verge of a breakdown; I can’t breathe with her right now. We are not happy. I fee that Kelsey is only telling me she wants to stop because she doesn’t want to loose me, not because she realizes she has a problem. I just want so badly for her to understand where I am coming from. I need her to understand how hard it is to take care of two people, while having next to no money, and trying to stop drinking while filming a damn reality show. She just isn’t in a stage in her life to get it. I am happy she wants to stop drinking and support her.

I decide to go to Whitney’s new night and support her. I feel fine at clubs without drinking. Kelsey said she was not strong enough. So she is going to stay in and go to a meeting with Drew. I think that is great and her choice. I get to the club and am happy to see all my friends. I introduce my good friend Khristain to Franny. I just knew they would hit it off.

I’m excited for Whit’s big night, and I’m glad I could be there to support her. Kelsey starts texting me how crappy it is that I am out while she is home getting sober for me. Now I’m pissed. She needs to get sober for herself - because she wants too. NOT FOR ME! I am out, not drinking, supporting Whit and just because you made a choice to stop drinking and stay in, does not mean I have to get crap for it. It ruined my night. Then Drew is with her in bed and it’s like 1 am and he is texting, calling me a jerk. Telling me ok since your not here Kelsey is going to stay at my house. I’m pissed now. I go out for one night, she can’t manage to be alone, and you both are texting me crazy things. Over it! Drew and I fight like this a lot, and now he is using Kels to piss me off. Poor Whit was there to hear me bitch and give me a big hug and tell me she loves me. I head back home in the worse mood ever. Drew wants to see me, and I want him to leave. It’s late, and I’m just unhappy at this point. I feel so alone in this relationship and I am just sad.

CORI ON S2: EPISODE 5

Sun, 03 Jul 2011 22:45:06 -0400

Wow, my wife is a saint. What a pain in the butt I was!

I have tried to quit smoking so many times and have tried everything! Patches, gums, books, pills. Nothing has ever worked. I was looking for a miracle and was really hoping hypnotism was it. I have talked to quite a few people and the hypnotism has completely worked for them so my hopes were high. I really told myself to just give in and try to let it work. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that simple. Maybe my mind is just too strong to be fooled by his hypnotic tricks. But the whole time, I just felt silly. I was focusing more on trying not to laugh than actually listening to what he was saying. So, no miracle for me…just will power and a whole lot of grouchiness. Poor Kacy. I should send her some sort of gift for putting up with me.

The moral of the story? DON’T EVER START SMOKING!

Cori

KACY ON S2: EPISODE 5

Sun, 03 Jul 2011 22:45:06 -0400

If there is one thing I regret in life, it’s smoking. It was a really terrible addiction that I had for 12 years. Quitting was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I still struggle with it to this day. I went two years without one and then one day, right when Cori was trying to quit, I picked it up again. The pressure of giving up “crutches”, especially when you are going through the stress that we were, is so incredibly hard. We know that smoking is the worst thing to do when you have children, so I don’t take Cori’s struggle in the episode lightly. I felt for her and tried to make it better in some way. She is right though, nothing helps. If any of you smoke, you should really considering stopping. I know I sound like a PSA, but it’s important. Cori and I have both lost people we love from smoking, and I would give up a lot to just have one more day with my Grandmother, Josephine. She passed away from cancer and was a smoker. Let’s stop together. Are you in? Ok, me too!